I take full responsibility for my heartbreak. You never asked me to love you, trust you, nor care about you. You never even asked me for a relationship, let alone my heart. Always the secret lover, but never loved. Body of a goddess, mind of a philosopher, heart of pure love, and spirit of a nurturing mother, but always the one left in the dark while lesser deities are flaunted in public. Maybe there’s a sign on my forehead that reads sucker for love with an amazing vagina, or maybe it reads will love for affection. I’m what you say you want. I’m strong and independent, but I never make you feel as though I don’t need you. I let you know you’re wanted and desired with every breath I take. Not just sexually, but in every way a woman can want a man. I have no hidden motives when it comes to you. You know this. I lay my vulnerabilities right there on the table. Showed my cards the moment I realized I loved you. I hold nothing back. Wait…maybe that’s the problem. Maybe I don’t play the game right because, well, I don’t play games. Maybe I should saddle up next to the whores and manipulators that can get men to buy them anything and cheat on good women for moments of freaked out pleasure. Maybe I should have been everything you say you hate in women…loud, obnoxious, angry, scene causing, crazy deranged bitch with a mean shoe game.
I'm not done with this piece yet, and I don't know where I'm going with it, but this is what I got off the top of my head. I am working on spoken word pieces.
Your words come from a real place. Hurt, disappointment, and an overall sense of being tricked can and often will accompany vulnerability. Once I was about to close myself off cause I was tired of the hurt that partnered with caring when God spoke these words "Now you look like me more than ever." I if you are to give your best and receive the best...we must be willing to get hurt "That's what I did" God said to me. I love these words of yours...As Oliver twist said "May I have some more please?"
ReplyDeleteDamn girl....I am speechless...I love this! By all means keep writing...This is what a writer does....A writer lays their souls bare because others can't...They want to but they can't. And we pay a terrible price for that courage, and yet we still write!
DeleteAnon...Yes, they come from a real place. Thank you so much for your kind words and for sharing your experience. Your last line made me smile sheepishly. Thank you
DeleteKeith...Yes, this is what a writer does, bare it all for the world to see, read, judge, criticize, be healed from, love, hate, or simply enjoy. Some even have the gall to think they're so important to you that you're writing about them. And yet...we write. LOL. Insanity at its finest.
DeleteYou do have a way with words.
ReplyDeleteThank you Reggie :-)
DeleteEh!
ReplyDeleteBeen ages huh Queen!
Glad you making waves!
And yes, like everyone else has said... Nice!
Real Nice!
Hey you! Longest time. How've you been?
DeleteHmm. I've found myself on both sides of this perplexing fence a couple times in my love life. And I still have no idea why I chose to give less of myself to the woman CLEARLY better for me. Yet more of myself to the woman who, in many ways, did not deserve as much.
ReplyDeleteThat's fucked up, ain't it?
I knew how messed up the feeling once a woman I adored turned around and became involved with a man who hardly appears to show her anything outside of messing around with other women, abuse, neglect. IDK, maybe his dick is bigger than mines?
She recently had the nerves to call me, hoping I'd lend an ear to her problems...
*click*
The heart ain't sh*t. LOL. It loves foolishly yet purely at the same time. I've been on both side as well and continuously try to force myself to like the men that love me, but I suppose that would be too conventional and too much like right.
DeleteWhile his dick may or may not be bigger, maybe she just suffers from the problem many countless other women do of just KNOWING she can get the rebellious man to love her wholly and completely. Yeah...it never makes sense.
LMAO @ 'she had the nerves to call me.' I can so hear you saying that in my head.
I feel you. I feel every word. But isn't it interesting that my heart feels the same hurt w/ the person I AM in a relationship with? We've made the commitment, spoken the words of true love, so why do I feel it's unrequited? I feel like a lone sole in this relationship. Maybe there is no relationship and it's a complete fabrication, a figment of my imagination?
ReplyDeleteI've been there. IDK which is worse, honestly. I just live by a saying that my mother always told me as a teenager dealing with love and relationships...when you get tired, you'll know.
DeleteI'm tired and I know.
DeleteYN, what you're going thru isn't peculiar to you. Truth is, your reaction may be exaggerated as well. I have come to understand that our different circumstances can affect our joint circumstances: ie, if I'm feeling inadequate at work, it can easily spill over to my relationship at home. And cause arguments about issues that might never have mattered in the first place. However, my advice is a simple one - one I adopted from my wife. If your unhappiness is repeatedly higher than your happiness, then hit the road, Jack!
DeleteBut then I am a stickler for love. If I really love you, I'd die before I let you go. Except of course you REALLY want to go, then I'd have no choice.
Funny enough, these are the feelings I'm feeling right now, and like you've said I don't know how to play these games.....
ReplyDeleteAwwwwwww, my sweet Zena. I always maintain that it's better to be true to yourself rather than to defile your character by playing silly little games because in the end there are no winners, and the men that allow these games to be played in hopes of winning their affections are selfish and love attention.
Deletenice 1 queen. good to know ure still good at it and wow...ure still blogging i dont even think it needs to go any further. i love it
ReplyDeletecase ure wondering. this is lighty....u remember don't you??? am back!!! but with a twist. check out my page. it's really new though. lol.
Of course I remember Lighty Kopearl. I lived at your spot. LOL. Maybe you can sweetly convince Jeff and Carlang to start blogging again as well.
DeleteI'll stop over and check you out ;-)
Yea...you remember. lol. i miss blogging as lighty to be honest. aww bless. Carlang and jeff??? lawd knows where those guys are.i decided to go round my blogroll and my gosh queen, its so dead. seems like only just a handfull still. so sad.
ReplyDeleteQueeeen!!!! Still repping!!!! Oh I have missed u and ur posts soooo much!!!! Trying to get into the swing of things. Will update soon. Waiting for the continuation oohh.... X x x
ReplyDelete