The Beauty

I am an appreciator of beauty in all facets. I often wonder what it is about beautiful people, though, that seems to simultaneously captivate, intimidate, and rouse unjustified feelings of loathing and hostility. Even in the Bible, the beautiful ones seemed to be favored by God and rose to positions of leadership, but they had some of the hardest tasks to carry out, and more than a handful of haters…David, Esther, Rachel, Joseph, Solomon, etc. Even now beautiful people are favored and get away with more, but by the same measure they are exploited and disliked for naught. Being that God is the ultimate creator, are aesthetically appeasing people the ultimate forms of creation created to reflect just how asinine human nature can be?

It’s perfectly okay to have someone’s penis, fingers, and tongue in every orifice of your body but NOT okay to question them about their sex life outside of you. It’s easy to remain emotionally unavailable because when one can’t deal with it there is a harem waiting and vying for the attention and couldn’t care less about the ‘real’ you. ‘Friends’ has become synonymous with cut buddy. Having endless options leads to making no decision as long as a handful are always down for sexing. Labeling limits what ‘could’ be. Half truths and lies by omission are strewn about to avoid hurting feelings. Don’t ask, don’t tell, but the truth blares even when there are no words being spoken. I want it all, your all. Your good, bad, shallow, deep, beautiful, horrid, ambrosial, stench, tasty, gag inducing. I want you, your whole truth, your whole you, you solely, your soul with no other soul ties.

Nymph and Pegasus

I absolutely suck at dating. I always have. I’m witty, playful, and sarcastic with a seemingly endless supply of suitors, but I don’t play games. I’m always honest about what I want and how I feel, and I don’t enter into any relationship lightly and casually. I am looking for possession. I want pure intimacy and to totally merge with and consume my lover. Yes, I’m intense. In return though, I am extremely loyal, trustworthy, honest, and devoted. Maybe this has something to do with my Venus sign being in Scorpio.


I view people as investments, and I am pushy when it comes to encouraging others to follow their dreams and ambitions and utilizing natural talents. I will invest my time, attention, resources, honesty, concern, and love into the people I care about and believe in. This is why I prefer labels. I need to know my boundaries so I don’t overstep them, and having boundaries allows me to gauge how much of myself and my resources I should invest in a person. I don’t want to waste my emotions and time trying to build something with someone that either doesn’t appreciate it or simply doesn’t want it. Be upfront and honest with me about exactly what it is you want from me, be it just a friend, a potential relationship, someone to kick it with occasionally, a bennie, etc. Let me decide whether or not I want to be that. I am very content allowing men to take control and define what we are, but if they fail to, then I define things on my terms.

I have heard and read many times that insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly yet expecting different results. I keep falling for the tall, handsome, GQ-ish, crown royal on ice kind of man. You know, the suave nicely dressed ones that make you the envy of all women when you are draped across their arms. They are kind and generous, bold, authoritative with commanding presences, lavish their beautiful women with compliments, attention, and affection. Admittedly, I love having a bold but charming lover I can show off. I bask in the reflected glory of such. I blame my Mars being in Leo for this. I consider these men my equals, and well, we look damn good together. Men want to be them, and women want to be me. Their boldness and charm match mine, and their authoritativeness awaken my need for a partner that can challenge yet subdue me. They can hold their own intellectually and respect my free spiritedness, intellect, and independence. The problem with men like this and me is that I don’t like playing second fiddle or sharing my toys.

I never assume I am the only woman these men are seeing unless we have agreed to monogamy, but once I find out for sure they are seeing other women, I bounce, or at least remove some form of privilege from the relationship, which is usually my open playfulness and/or sex, leaving things more cerebral than before. I’d rather be celibate than knowingly share. Yes, I have a big ego, but more than that I am totally genuine and don’t have more than one sex partner at a time. I suppose I expect the same in return. The thought of kissing someone’s lips that may have been on another woman’s honey pot just hours before literally disgusts and pisses me off. It’s all about reciprocity for me.

Yes, I am an oxymoron of a woman in many ways. What I essentially am holding out for is one I can give all of me to, one that can really appreciate my deep sensuality as well as my mind. Once I am secured there is hardly anything I wouldn’t do, give, or try to keep things the way they should be. I always gauge the temperature of the relationships in order to know what needs to be injected or subtracted to keep a sexy flow and balance of harmony and passion going. Maybe this nymph is hoping for her personal Pegasus to ride into realms and dimensions unexplored and live like the gods we are. I’m a dreamer with big faith, but I’m far from a myth. I’m the real thing.

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Islands of Pretense

Ain’t nobody trying to impress y’all. I know that sentence is all kinds of grammatically incorrect, but those are my feelings. Anybody that knows me well knows that I don’t habitually bash men and will go to bat for them on various issues. I don’t know about other women, but THIS woman is tired of the stereotypes in regards to honesty, integrity, keeping up appearances, accountability, what we want out of relationships, and countless other issues.


Men say they want honest women, yet when we are honest with them, they rarely ever believe it. Before I get into it, though, I just want to say I hate the J. Cole line, “She say she only f*ck like 4 or 5 n*ggas, so you know you gotta multiply by 3.” If I tell you my number you need only multiply by 1, or you could simply believe what I tell you. I really hate when men automatically assume a woman is lying about the sensitive things, or anything for that matter, simply to save face. I know things like number of sexual partners can be deal breakers for some people. The truth has a way of always surfacing, and I don’t want any man to be with me under pretenses. I have no need to fudge my numbers or anything else. It is exactly what it is. If it’s something you can’t or won’t deal with, then you are free to move around. No hard feelings. Some of us don’t care to indulge in the games of “Oh! Let me lie to him so he doesn’t see that I’m flawed!” or “Let me make him think I’m something other than what I really am!” Ain’t nobody got time for those shenanigans. I believe most things are black and white even when there are multiple sides to the issues. Bottom line, you either do or don’t, will or won’t, can or can’t. We’re all adults with free will.

I usually have an idea in mind about the direction I want most of my relationships to go. If monogamy happens to be on the agenda, then I bring it up. I like to always know where I stand, and I reciprocate that with others. There were times when I have told a man or two that I would prefer we be exclusive but only when they were ready. I give no ultimatums and play no games in matters of the heart. I love very deeply and am very loyal. I also let them know that I won’t wait forever for them to be ready and will be gone if they take too long. This takes place only after I have analyzed and determined whether or not we can be beneficial to one another. Understandably, this sounds like a business partnership, and in many ways it is, with great sex and friendship being ultimate bonuses. I don’t want a man simply to say I have one or because he happens to be sexy, cute, attractive, etc. My goal is to be your partner and helper. By the same measure, I don’t want to be wanted simply because I am found to be attractive. I have no qualms bringing my talents to the table. Tell me what you want or need done, how you want it, and I will get to work on it. When you succeed I succeed as well. I want to be proud of you and don’t want a man I can’t assist in some facet. I need to feel useful for something other than sex, cooking, cleaning, and making babies. Those things are easily attained.

I was listening to a Youtube cast thingie hosted by two guys I’ve met. The subject was about accountability. They went in on women, claiming most don’t take responsibility for their actions preferring to elude accountability. I had mixed feelings about the show and was even a little miffed at some of the opinions, but I can understand how they came to their conclusions. This post was somewhat inspired by that show. I’ll place the link below. The audio isn’t suitable for work.

We make things too complicated trying to either be what we think others want us to be or trying to decipher if others are what we think they are. Honest and genuine people get shirked in the process and lost in the shuffle of pretenders and cynical pessimists. Perhaps we could all benefit from strong dosages of spiritual discernment in order to dismantle the islands of pretenses that we have possibly become and project.

I do not own the image used in this post