A few days ago I was struggling with anxiety. I couldn’t
understand where it was coming from and was bothered by the fact it was
disrupting my already hard to come by sleep at night. The only other time I recall
taking notice of anxiety was back in late 2014-early 2015 right before I was
laid off my job. Back then I didn’t question what was making me anxious and
panicky; I just knew I was tired of my job. On top of being sexually harassed
every single day I reported to work, I felt trapped, stuck, and stagnant and as
if I was wasting my life away. It never dawned on me to dig inside in an effort
to find the source. Unlearned lessons are lesson repeated, right? Back to
present day. Over the last two years I have been going through an entire
metamorphosis of sorts: mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically,
financially, etc. No part of my life has remained untouched by changes.
The other night I decided I was going to have to work things
out and demand answers from God, my higher self, spirit, pray, meditate with my
crystals, burn some lavender and ylang ylang, and anything else I needed to do
to be okay and find answers to this anxiety thing because I didn’t like the way
I was feeling. Eventually I calmed myself down and quietly asked, “What is
causing this anxiety?” The answer softly replied to me was, “Money and love.” I
knew exactly what that meant. Then I asked myself, “What are your heart’s
truest desires?” The things that were causing the anxiety were nowhere in the
answer to that. I was stressing over things that in the end didn’t even matter
to the essence of who I am, things that could easily be resolved if I stopped
worrying about them and followed the promptings of my heart and soul, if I started
working in my purpose. When I asked what my heart’s desires were, the answer
was: A home, candle making, creating bath and body products, yoga, and traveling
the world helping and empowering women and girls. My heart’s desires are
simple, pure. That put me at ease. The anxiety was caused by what I thought I should
have but feared I would never have or have enough of. I have now started making
myself enjoy and live in the moments I currently reside in and take everything
one day at a time while working to provide my heart with what it wants:
simplicity, beauty, and peace. The money will come, and the love was always
there in many different forms. I am complete. I came here complete. Now it’s a
matter of remembering who and what I was when my soul decided it was time to
occupy earth and utilize the inherent power of my soul.
