I say I want to get married again. I know that I am a really good woman and could make just about any man happy. Not bragging, just stating what I perceive to be the truth as believed by me. The thing is that I am starting to lose hope in the entire institution of marriage. Most people are full of sh*t, both men and women. Not all women are looking for a sugar daddy or Captain Save a Hoe. Yes, I am a single mother, but I am not looking for a ‘daddy’ for my children. They have one of those, and though we don’t get along, I thank God that my sons do have a relationship with their father. I am independent, but I dare not say that I do not need a man. I don’t need one to support me financially, but it would be really nice to have one that supported me emotionally and backed me when it came to living out my dreams, no matter how off beat they may be.
I guess I am slowly starting to lose my hope in marriage because of what I don’t see on a daily basis. I work with a ton of men, and we talk about sex, love, life, relationships, families, and everything else in between, but what I don’t see is them lighting up or even smiling when they mention their wives. I have yet to meet a married man that I couldn’t bed, which really disheartens me. I know that I have a sexual aura about me because I am a very sensual woman, but I want to meet just one married man that can see that I am attractive, yet never make a pass at me because he knows and lets it be known that his wife is the business, and that in his eyes no other woman holds a candle to her.
I guess what I am looking for just doesn’t exist. I want to marry my best friend. That one that I can laugh and joke with, be silly, goofy and nerdy in front of, share my innermost fears, hopes, dreams, and aspirations with, debate with, disagree with, get mad at, yet still lay down every night knowing that I have the assurance of lying next to my very best friend…and a mind blowing sex life would be the icing on the cake. I love Black men and think that they are la crème de la crème, but I want to meet just one that defies all the stereotypes about Black men and relationships. I know it’s hard to get off the freak train, open up emotionally, and lay your pride to the side in order for the one that truly loves you to help you…but isn’t it worth it if this means living a richer life than you could ever achieve alone, or with one that doesn’t challenge you to reach your full potential?
yeah, I get what you mean..
ReplyDeleteYou will find the bone of your bones babe…better yet….he will find you!!
Even though yo uare getting this idea from all these married men. I am sure what you are looking for exist. Do not be discourage by the lots of these men!
ReplyDeleteI am so with you on this post. But don't lose hope. There are still some good men, if not decent brothers out htere. They are looking for us just as much as we are them. I think the biggest thing is clearly identifying what it is we want and need from others and ourselves. After that, the universe will set the wheels in motion.
ReplyDeleteI recently stumbled upon a motivational speaker/coach/author called Mike Robbins and i've been listening to a lot of his podcasts and teleseminars and one thing that immediately struck me about him is the way he never passes up an opportunity to mention how wonderful his wife and two daughters are, and how blessed he is to have them in his life etc etc.
ReplyDeleteHis sincerity comes across effortlessly and it's very, very sweet to listen to as it's clear he's not just saying it, but he actually means it.
I found myself thinking 'i'm not going to settle for anything less'. My husband must worship the ground i walk on (and that's putting it mildly! Like you, i know i'm a good woman. I have no doubt in my mind that this is the kind of love i deserve.
In those dark moments, i also question whether it exists on this level or if it's just the stuff of fairy tales and hollywood scripts. But i still believe...
(Sorry to ramble on Queen, this post just resonated with me so much! Hope you're well. S'been a while..)
I so feel you.
ReplyDeleteI want to marry my best friend. I want his eye to light up everytime he sees me.
But sometimes I feel as like I'm not being realistic.
oooo Lord! It's soooo shameful seeing men blatantly disrespect their wives by making insulting faces or comments as though being married is such a chore. One of my friends recently said " I trusted a pretty face and a big butt" in regard to his wife/marriage. I pulled back from that friendshop a bit because if he can talk about his wife in that manner I dont want to know how he talks about others.
ReplyDeleteI do believe/KNOW there are "hold her high" men out there--I''m keeping hope alive for ALL the OUTSTANDING and DESERVING women out there.
This post touched me but I still believe there are dependable men out there. More important is you'll also find the one meant for you. Take care dear and enjoy the rest of the week.
ReplyDeleteyou will def find him, he is there i know, av found mine, i hope u do too
ReplyDeleteAs a man we taught at an early age to divide and conquer!!! Being a African American these days doest leave much room for role models………..from a child we are told never back down, be a man don’t cry…….when the truth is a lot men cry anyway.. fast forward this thought . Society itself has gone from family oriented to Me Myself and I ……….feeding into to more selfish behavior. Reading your post and looking at Tiger Woods business blasted all over the world. We as men are only doing what we are taught to do…..and that’s to conquer most of us try to hide our sexual behavior….but when put in the wrong situation the best of fall into temptation…now what I have learned is don’t put myself in a situation were I have too make a choice whether to sleep with another women, because at that point I’ve already done it my heart…….Don’t play with the fire if don’t want to be burnt……many MEN have been burnt by cheating……..and have lost it all.
ReplyDeleteI look at my grandmother who has been married for 65 years…..and at the last anniversary party. I said” Grandma that’s good yall have been together for all these years” and she replied good for who….she said son the only good thing is I know I’m his only woman know…..all his girlfriends died…..and I thought to myself….WOW……I thought the years equaled a perfect marriage….not so
I often would ask myself…….what would make a man with a beautiful wife or girlfriend?????CHEAT…After discussing this with thousands of men old and young alike there is a plethora of reasons….BUT THERE IS ONE CONSTANT IS THERE IS A WOMEN WILLING TO CHEAT WITH THEM…….
@Dee: powerful points
ReplyDeletejust discovered your blog, like its passion and sincerity, will definitely be coming back.
ReplyDeletemy sweet baby, i pray you find what you're looking for...pardon my saying this, you've been there before, you cant afford to go wrong a 2nd time...about these few good men, i have stopped to think that they are out there, even i have disappointed myself, several times (No, i've never slept with another man's wife)...but even the best of men have proven to be human. we apologise...
ReplyDeleteOf cos you are not bragging.you are a good woman and thats the reason why ppl myt take advantage of your goodness....
ReplyDeleteYou will find a good man!!!
I feel you on so many levels, but I also think that marriage doesn't have to be with your BEST friend, but maybe just the one that completes you BEST.
ReplyDeleteThis is EXACTLY what I've been trying to say all along.
ReplyDeleteYou've hit the nail on the head about the things that make me sceptical about marriage. Sad to say about 1 out of 3 average of my male friends are cheating or have cheated on their partners. I'm from an African background and there is this invisible pressure to get married as soon as you have the degree, the job, bang! you're ready.
ReplyDeletePeople see relationships as a contractual thing now. Like a pay-as-you go phone line or cable subscription, if you're not happy then end your contract. We don't learn about intimacy with no sex, so we rush into bed without first dealing on an emotional level. God forbid you try to mention abstinence while dating nowadays-people would think you're absolutely crazy. You're right though, the friendship has to be there. This is my prayer to God that He brings a friend, true partner who I can reveal my lowest lows to with no shame and celebrate my dreams with. I wish all the same, and we'll get there. Amen.
first time here,nice blog
ReplyDeleteWow. I think I could have written this myself. The hopeless romantic in me agrees that there are men out there who fit the bill.
ReplyDeleteI want/desire/need for a man to look at me with the zsa zsa zsu (a la Sex and the City) and get the same in return. It is there, we just have to wade through the muck to get it.
this is what am talking about."the society said i must get married"you are so on point.......agree totally.men cheat without looking back.really sad
ReplyDelete