Monday, June 17, 2013

I'm Chilling

I am not seeing anyone exclusively. Actually, I haven’t seen anyone totally exclusively since my divorce. I am not against monogamy, but by the same measure I’m not out here looking to get ‘chose’ as a wifey, either. I’m chilling.


I met a police officer. Wait, let me back up. I met a banking call center manager. He’s 37, divorced, 2 children, claims to want no more children, and seemingly financially stable. We went out to lunch one Sunday afternoon. It was a very nice date. Lots of easy conversation, laughs, comfort…the whole 9. Fast forward 2 days. He sent me a text stating that he really liked me and wanted to develop a relationship with me. I told him that while I was open for building a relationship and getting to know him better I was not, however, open for exclusivity. I was totally honest with him. He’s a wonderful man, and just about any woman would be happy to claim him as her own. He said he understood. We still talk and try to plan dates around our schedules. He said he wants to travel, take trips, and things of the sort. Total sweetheart he is. The first time he contacted me he simply stated, “You are a beautiful lady. Are you seeing anyone? I would like to take you out this week. Let me know when you are available.” Um…okay Daddy. LOL. I gave him my number and thanked him for his straightforwardness. I really liked that.

Now, back to the officer. Dude is totally dope. We met while he was working security at the local grocery store. Apparently he had seen me buy wine a few times, but this night I only bought juice. He said, “No drank tonight?” as I was leaving the store. I was a little embarrassed, but he was cute, so it was whatever. He walked me to my car, and we chatted for about an hour before I finally told him to just take my number and call me later because I needed to go. He’s 38, also divorced, has a few kids, going back to school for his masters and hopes to practice law. We talk about music, clothes, men, women, hair, shoes, and literally everything under the sun. He keeps me laughing, but he’s also blunt and direct. Those are qualities I hold in high esteem. Mr. Officer is a bit more rugged, though. He’s from the North, so he’s a bit fresh, has a cute subtle accent, drinks his liquor straight with no chaser, has tattoos, and rocks Timbs. I TOTALLY dig that. I LOVE very masculine men. They ignite my feistiness like none other. He asked me what I was looking for, and I told him nothing. He seemed a bit irritated at my response, but I honestly am not looking for anything. I am open for whatever but am not gunning to walk down the aisle. I told him we would just see what transpires.

Then there’s the Nigerian that has been here for a few years. He’s 38 and claims he wants to be married by next year. We argue so much it’s unreal, but he seems to get off on my going off on him. I ain’t able. He also wants about 2 more children. I REALLY ain’t able. I don’t want anymore. I have 2, and my ‘baby’ is 8. I’m good. I know that’s selfish, but it is what it is.

Lastly, there is Mr. HC Muse from a few posts down. Mister man is sexy as all hell. I honestly can’t figure out what we are. I’ve asked him to define ‘us’, but of course he hit me with the, “let’s not label and confine what could be.” Fair enough, but I swear dude acts all pissy or suddenly enthusiastically pops up when my status updates on facebook suggest there is someone else. In all honesty, there was no one else around when I first met him, which meant he very well could have had me all to himself, but he failed to define what he wanted from or with me. Perhaps I am making the same move with Mr. Officer, but I also know how to open my mouth and say that I want a more permanent ‘something’ should my feelings start getting the best of me. I’m not for that passive aggressive hinting ish.

I guess what I am basically saying is I don’t want to belong to anybody. I like being free and able to change my mind on a whim. These are all wonderful men. Truly they are, but all provide something different that I need. Mr. Banker lavishes me with compliments. Mr. Officer nicely balances my ghetto side. Mr. Naija feeds my sadistic nature, and Mr. Muse gives me the purest affection a woman could ask for. I don’t want to die an old spinster, but I also don’t want to be in another unhappy marriage, so for now…I’m chilling.

10 comments:

  1. Sounds like you're getting some of that REAL GOOD sleep at night. Lol. I like how you're handling your business. Not in a rush for anything. Simply enjoying the moments.

    We argue so much it’s unreal, but he seems to get off on my going off on him. I ain’t able. He also wants about 2 more children. I REALLY ain’t able.

    Hilarious!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have had to learn to enjoy the moment and take them for what they are. My approach to dating now is to simply expect nothing more than a decent evening and anything extra is a pleasant bonus. But um yeah...I'm being extra stingy with my noni, so the REAL GOOD sleep is subjective. LOL

      Delete
    2. Oh I already know Chantay is extra stingy. I only said those words to see if you'd respond! Lol.

      Delete
  2. How about sassy old spinster with benefits? I'm applying for that so I wouldn't knock it! lol.

    ReplyDelete
  3. For me, your not been open for exclusivity comes from the fact that you still have not found the right one. I like your honesty and your free spirit and wanting to get all the best that is out there without the constrains of a relationship. Nice one Chantay, i really do enjoy reading your blog

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, and there is a lot of truth to your assumption. At this point if I HAD to choose, it would be the officer because he has more of the qualities I adore in men.

      Delete
  4. gues the heart wants what the heart wants

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Indeed it does. Stubborn little thing. LOL

      Delete
  5. With dating, as w/ Life itself, I've found that when we lower our expectations of others, then we are rarely so deeply or profoundly disappointed.

    One.

    ReplyDelete

Explore your sensuality in the form of words that breathe life