The Attractive Couple Plight

Do I think I’m pretty? Yes. Do I think I’m beautiful? I believe I have a beauty that isn’t an outward beauty; I think I inhabit a beautiful spirit. Do I need the validation from men to affirm my beauty? No. I don’t need that from every man, but I do want that from my man.

I remember being pregnant, hormonal, and sitting on the carpeted portion of the bathroom floor in the home I shared with my now ex-husband. I had had a really bad day, and I was sitting there crying my eyes out. I cried not because I was just having a bad day. I cried because I knew in my heart of hearts I was married to a man that didn’t want to be with me, a man that didn’t like me.

We had been together since I was 16. Initially there was something about him that I just did not like. I didn’t know what it was. He was incredibly attractive: 6’3, medium brown skin, beautiful dimples that made me melt every time he smiled, and he always made me laugh. Women loved him. Men wanted to be like him. Children adored him. I would say we were equals in that regard. Men loved me. Women wanted to be like me, and I never met a child that didn’t want to either play in my hair or sit in my lap.

 People always commented on how good we looked together and how handsome our oldest son was. His entire family instantly took to me, and he didn’t have one friend that didn’t like me. I think that is what bothered him. I owned whatever room I walked into by simply being myself. I have never lacked confidence because I was raised that way and am genuinely a happy person. I’m not arrogant, but I am sure of myself, and on those rare occasions that I am not I fake it until I make it.

Having been with him for almost 10 years, I knew he harbored a sense of insecurity, but I don’t know where it came from. He was accustomed to women throwing themselves at him and giving him whatever he wanted. I was never that way with him. I challenged him to be a better person, to be real with himself. I am a believer of equality and operating under the law of reciprocity. Looks aren’t enough for me. I always felt as though he was in competition with me, which to this day still baffles me. I was his partner. I wanted him, me, and US to succeed in life. I helped him with his résumé, job evaluations, and anything else he needed.

That night was the first and last time he ever called me pretty. He’s never deemed me beautiful. We sat on that floor and talked for about an hour. His last line to me was, “You’re very pretty. I never pictured myself being with a woman like you, though. I always pictured myself being with a model chick. Not you.” His compliments were always low-key insults and somehow seemed to insinuate that I might be cheating on him because so many men hit on me.

I would be lying if I said those words didn’t make me feel some kind of way at the time as well as shot a blow to my self esteem, especially while I was pregnant. I said all that to say I don’t understand why men go after women that are widely pursued only to be in a secret competition with them when 9 times out of 10 the only compliments that matter to her are the ones that come from her man’s mouth. Of all the compliments I receive in a day, the only ones that make my heart sing are the ones that come from my sons and the man I love. I don’t know. Do extremely attractive men suffer from the lowest self esteem, or are they just spoiled and “rebel” against the women that don’t fall at their feet?